As Phil stood by the door of the plane he took a big sigh to calm his nerves.
Why am I doing this?
This is dumb.
No turning back I suppose
Is that blood or red paint on the door?
Then he jumped out of the plane.
Phil was a widower at the age of 75, he knew what he was doing the whole time.
His time with the military gave him enough jumps that he didn’t have to go tandem.
He just wanted to feel that adrenaline rush one more time. The feeling of the earth rushing up to meet you. The serene surroundings and the idea of flight is what initially made him want to join the air force.
During a stop in Turkey in 1964 he popped his head into a small shop located in an alleyway. On the wall he found a gold lamp as it was described to him. Something about it drew him in so he bought it for $50 american.
He bargained the price down from $150, he wasn’t a fool.
When he got back to his apartment in the village – he always considered himself sort of an artist – he took the lamp out of his bag and placed it on the shelf.
After he looked at it he noticed a mark on the front. He picked up the lamp and used his shirt to wipe off what turned out to be a fingerprint.
Behind him was a knock on the door.
“Who is it?”
“Gene Everly,” the voice responded.
Phil then walked over to the door and opened it up to discover a man he had never seen before standing there.
The man gave him a hug.
“For freeing me! I’m now at your service!” Gene said.
Phil wasn’t sure why this guy was at his service and wasn’t really sure what service this guy was providing.
“I can see you’re a little worried about who I am.”
“Yeah. I usually don’t have strange men just show up at my door.”
Gene laughed and replied, “My name is Gene Everly, but most people like to call me Gene E. It was one of those weird names in grammar school that everyone got a hold of and it just stuck with me.”
“That doesn’t answer why you are in my apartment and offering your – uh – services.”
“Oh my! I should clarify. You rubbed that lamp, I’m Gene E.”
Phil stood there with a blank face.
“You’re still not getting it?”
“Nope.” Phil said.
“I’m here because you rubbed that lamp, I’m Gene E.”
“Still nothing,” Phil said.
“Okay – holy fucking shit – I’m Gene E. Say it fast.”
“Gene E – Gene-e – GeneE – GENE-E!”
“There you go. Now you have three wishes.”
As Phil continued to fall from the sky he pulled the lamp out of his jacket – just go with it for the story, please.
He had already made two of his three wishes. The wishes gave him all he ever wanted in life. A beautiful wife that led to a family and a job that he got in 1979 that gave him equity in a small company named Microsoft.
He led the life everyone dreamed of and didn’t need to sell his soul.
Phil rubbed the lamp and Gene E. showed up next to him.
“I’d like to make my third wish.”
“Whatever you’d like.”
“It’s been good knowing you all these years and right now I’m falling with no intention of opening my chute. After this I will be with my wife in heaven and everything I ever wanted in life has come true. So I want you to go free, that’s my last wish.”
In a cloud of smoke Gene E. was gone.
“Maybe a fucking thank you would’ve been appreciated.” Phil said to himself.
Phil drew in one last deep breath and closed his eyes tight. Before hitting the ground he passed out from oxygen deprivation and died peacefully and without pain.
As he made his way to the pearly white gates, Phil started crying because he saw his wife behind the gates waving to him.
A wide smile crossed his face as he walked up to St. Peter.
“Oh.” Said, St. Peter.
“You used a genie to get where were got in life?”
“Yes, I’m proud to say I did.”
“Well that’s what makes this so difficult. You’re going to hell.”
“What? WHY?! I did everything right in my life. I never cheated on anything – except for a diet (Phil had a great sense of humor even in horrible situations) – and I made sure to be there for my family all the time! I made my money in an honest way and I never stepped on anyone’s neck to get to where I am today. I was very fortunate and didn’t sell my soul to the devil like some other people I know are up here!”
He was talking about Jim Davis who happened to stand next to his wife while this whole scene was developing. Phil hated Jim because of the time he took his snow blower and never returned it.
Fuck Jim Davis.
“Here’s the thing. We consider Genies to be the work of the Devil and when you make that first wish you officially sold your soul to the Devil.” Said St. Peter.
Phil then waved to his wife and mouthed the words “I love you” and disappeared into thin air.
As Jim Davis walked away he smiled, he threw many coins in fountains for years wishing that Phil would go to hell.