College was a big test for me. Typically my process of meeting people was making friends with someone and then meeting their friends and forgetting the initial friendship that introduced me to my new, cooler, friends. But in college I was the one who was solely responsible to meet new people and forge friendships – luckily my personality is amazing and people enjoy talking to me even when I enter their room at 8 a.m. on a Tuesday morning after a long night of drinking.
“Who is that?”
“Who is Rob?”
“You guys are so funny. I’m glad you’re awake I’ve been sitting on your floor since 5 a.m.”
You sleep on enough floors in college and people are forced into liking you, probably because they are scared of you. I don’t know, my therapist said that isn’t normal behavior, but what does she know?
I decided when I got to college I would break out of my shell and force myself into situations where I met new people. Two days after I moved into my dorm room I still had barely anyone to talk to. My roommate, Mike, was an outgoing guy who already made some friends in the dorm so he was off doing his own thing and my other roommate Jon hadn’t made it up to Oneonta yet which gave me a lot of down time.
I’m not going to lie to you guys, I was homesick. I was scared, upset and these weird wet marks kept showing up on my pillow right before I went to sleep and while I was thinking about how alone I really was. These same wet marks would also pool up and slide down my face eventually hitting the ground in the morning.
Nothing like a good morning cry in the bathroom while you’re brushing your teeth and trying to make the best first impression on everyone on your floor because that who you are forced to talk to and see almost every waking hour of every day.
I, for one, did ALL of my crying in my dorm room thank you very much.
Eventually I put on my big boy pants and made some friends. Luckily for me Mike needed to find new people to talk to and voila, I became friends with those people and the rest is history.
With my new found confidence in the art of friend making I decided that maybe I’ll employ the same confidence Mike did when meeting people. It was amazing what he would do. He would move his lips and these sounds that would create sentences were made and then people around him started to do the same thing and eventually it blossomed into a conversation.
What is this hold you have on people?
So with this new technique – which is much more effective than staring at them until they notice you and then running away – I decided to put it into use. I took a seat in the back of my World History class and was immediately flanked by two girls.
I should note that talking to girls for me was always an issue. I’m not really sure why though. Outside of their anatomy we are all the same. Except I fell in love with every girl I’ve ever talked to, so there’s an issue for sure. Basically in my head everything I say other than “hello” – which is then followed by heavy sweating and breathing waiting for a response – is me offending them or doing something creepy. A girl came UP TO ME ONCE and said she thought I was cute and I APOLOGIZED!
Clearly, you are reading the ramblings OF A PSYCHOPATH.
So I was in class that day flanked by two girl. I decided to take a risk and converse with other human beings like any adjusted member of the human race.
Me: “Hi, I’m Rob.”
Tammy: “Hi, Rob, I’m Tammy. It’s nice to meet you.”
Some girl: “Hi, I’m [enter whatever girls name you want here because I forgot her name].”
Me: “So where are you guys from?”
Tammy: Long Island
Me: That’s funny, me too!
Some girl: Me too!
Me: I’m from Valley Stream.
Tammy: I know where that is. I’m from Hicksville (or something)
Other girl: Hicksville? I’m from [enter some town near Hicksville that apparently makes the two girls joined at the hip]!”
At this point I am no longer in the conversation at all. These two girls, who I had to work up all the courage in my body to talk to, just ignored me completely. I was like a matchmaker gazing at a beautiful budding relationship that, if memory serves me correctly, lasted like two weeks. I was cut out of the circle, left alone to wonder what could have been!
I was now at the receiving end of my process of making friends.