Metropolitan Room: Show #2 – 2/21/14

This show didn’t go without its own set of problems. If you will remember my first time doing a show – which, who am I kidding you obviously printed it out and posted it on every wall you could possible find so that when you turn around there is always a copy for your to read every waking second – there was a major snowstorm that kept people away. Despite all the requests to stream the show live (read: I lie a lot) we actually weren’t allowed to broadcast the show via satellite to all 2 people.

This time my own stage time was threatened when the mandatory 10 people I needed to bring was in jeopardy. However, thanks to one of my co-workers who I’m pretty sure just felt bad, I got enough people to show up so I could embar-er-perform on stage.

Once I left work I made my way to 23rd street where I would eat dinner before the show at a little boutique restaurant nestled between store fronts called Outback Steakhouse. Here we got their famous “Bloomin’ Onion”, it will certainly be world famous in no time, and I loved their “Down Undah” vibe and how they really featured Austria. Although I was a bit surprised at the lack of Arnold Schwarzenegger paraphernalia, not even ONE signed copy of his book “Arnold’s Fitness for Kids Ages Birth to Five: A Guide to Health, Exercise, and Nutrition” to be found. Disgusting.

Once I finishing my European meal of a bacon cheeseburger and fries, french of course, I paid the bill in euros – they were confused – and I made my way to the club.

Once I arrived at the club some kind of performance had just gotten out and there was no one under the age of 80 evacuating the building. At this point it was 8:45pm and I’m shocked I didn’t have to poke anyone in the seating area to make sure they hadn’t fallen asleep for the night. Then again there were no TV sets with “Matlock” on so none of them felt they were in their natural environment.

I was ushered to the green room or, as they called it there, the basement where a makeshift bar with no tender was. Here I met the other comics and we chatted about some of our best gigs and I, fresh off the success of my first one, lied through my teeth about any my progress in this industry.

Other comic: “You were on Johnny Carson?”

Me: “Yeap!”

Other comic: “Aren’t you like in your late 20’s?”

Me: “I’m very talented”

Other comic: “You weren’t on Johnny Carson were you?”

Me: “No”

Other comic: “Please stop talking to me”

It went on like that for another 20 minutes, me bringing up shows I was on and him knowing almost immediately that I couldn’t have possibly been on “Captain Kangaroo.”

Eventually we stopped talking and he asked for his business card back. I can’t wait to stalk him on Facebook.

The show started and the crowd was loving it. Luckily, for them, I hadn’t gotten on stage yet and they were still enjoying themselves.

The woman before me, who is an excellent comic and I, like a moron, forgot her name (Liz Barrett, I think) absolutely crushed it. She got the crowd going and me peeing myself. It was fun for everyone.

Finally my name was called.

“Now to the stage the very funny Robert Patterson!”

That, as you all know, is not my name.

I take the stage as Robert Patterson – just kidding, he corrected himself – and away we went.

I think I did pretty well in my set. Any snags I hit I felt I had the backup to really get through them and got to improv a little which is something I love to do. Although this was pretty much the same set as my first one, I did change the first joke, “I Need My Charger”, and added a new joke, “Cops!”, which went very well.

I’m thinking of writing a new set for another 5-8 minute bit and want to continue building stories so I can eventually have an hour worth of comedy for when I don’t get a TV special. I’m also thinking of doing a two minute set so I can try out for America’s Got Talent and add to my sticker collection. I’ll say hi to Howie for you.



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