Stand Up #4 – The Bombtrack

Oh how great this recording sounds when it first starts playing. The thunderous cheers from the other students showing their support as I grabbed the mic and started off on the set I had prepared for that night’s class. Little did I know it would be a journey I would not forget for, well, probably ever.

I expected big things from this class, fresh off the success of my first open mic I thought I had all the answers. Preparation, nope, there is no need for that. At all.

Wrong.

In fact so wrong that I completely bombed. I completely bombed in a class where people laugh because they want laughs when they go up.

It was THAT bad.

Oh but the cosmos had a different idea for me and it was to teach me a lesson. You see, preparation is the key to success and since my key said “failure” on it I ended up like an old man smacking a computer expecting to get a response out of it like his children when he smacked them with a belt. Luckily it wasn’t all a wash and one guy in my class did actually laugh – he’s really, really nice.

The majority of the critiques – much more direct critiques than normal. The kind of critiques that find the inner soul of your being and bludgeon your confidence almost to death so it’s on life support and in a coma only to wake up and see the person who beat you brushing your hair back as you try to escape them – were very helpful.

Words like “shorten”, “clearer”, “quit” were mostly what I heard – “quit” being inside my head while other words were being said.

“Hey, you know that joke that didn’t work…AT ALL…well I think if you shorten it and get to the punch quit quicker then the quit will work a lot quitter. Otherwise I think you have quit-thing going in all these quits.”

The thunderous applause that once was had ceased to the low humming of the amplifier that just carried my failed jokes to the ears of those listening. As I walked away the amp made a cracking sound and I knew at that moment the amp was a dick for failing me.

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