Sometimes it takes a lot of courage to admit faults in yourself and since I don’t have any you should try it out and let me know if it helps. Okay so the only minor – well kinda serious – well maybe more problematic than I’d like to admit – FINE the major issue in my life is my superhero like power to be amazingly fucking lazy. And I’m not talking about taking a nap in a hammock on a Saturday afternoon as the heat from the sun breezes over you creating a warm blanket that engulfs and comforts you in which you then drift off into a wonderful dream world where you awaken feeling refreshed, revitalized and in a tampon commercial, kind of laziness. I’m talking about eating four, yes four, still frozen in the middle hot pockets and entering a state of diabetic like shock with your eyes fixated on a television screen because you are caught in the middle of a five-hour “To Catch A Predator” marathon that started at 10 pm.
Even right now I should be doing more than begging you, the reader, to keep reading on even after realizing you meant to visit Funny Or Die or something much more established than a blog that still needs to use the .wordpress.com address.
Now if that’s not an enticing invitation to continue on then I don’t know what else I should do…
I think I found myself trapped, and continue to do so, within my own laziness. It’s almost like dangling honey in front of a bear and then the bear is like fuck this shit I’m going to sit down and watch TV. In this case replace “bear” with “me” and “dangling honey” with “honey that’s on the top shelf and me getting winded and lightheaded from the strain of being on my tippy-toes because I’m too short to reach said shelf and the step-stool requires me to bend over and pick it up and that’s too much effort” and then keep the TV part the same.
It’s strange hearing people saying things like “keep working and you’ll make it” and “persistence pays off” and “please stop calling my home, my kids are scared.” I’m an ambitious person who doesn’t really know how to get to where I want to be. I try and work hard, I try to do the best I can but sometimes I just feel like throwing in the white flag and giving up. So then I go to throw the flag and I can’t, I just hold on to it because I’m too young – you’re really never too old – to give up on what I want to do with my life. So I’m taking this leap of faith and putting all my chips on “Red” – an awful nickname that people have given me because, you see, I have red hair and apparently that is something I not only need pointed out to me but need to be minimized to being known as and, in this particular case, it works as a euphemism for betting on myself and “making it” – by taking comedy classes and trying to sort all this out. A wise man once said, “Laziness is your body…something”, I don’t know I have to look it up and that will take more than 5-seconds that I’ll just waste watching “epic fails” of dumb people on Family Feud.